THREE LOUDOUN BREWERIES TO CONSOLIDATE

THREE LOUDOUN BREWERIES TO CONSOLIDATE

Lost Rhino, Ocelot, and Old Ox Join Forces

Three Mammals Brewing Company
April 1st, 2016- Ashburn, VA- Three local breweries have reached an agreement with private equity firm Fulsome Prevaricator to consolidate their brewing operations and restructure to form one company. As of August 1st, 2016 Lost Rhino Brewing Company, Ocelot Brewing Company, and Old Ox Brewery will cease individual operations and form Three Mammals Brewing Company.  Construction on a new 40,000 square foot facility adjacent to One Loudoun is already nearing completion.

Three Mammals Brewing Company Facility

With the recent emerging trend of brewery consolidations and buyouts, the news should come as no surprise to craft beer enthusiasts. Three Mammals brewing company will roll out with a core line up that will pay tribute to their separate roots while also moving forward in a bold new venture. The initial line-up will consist of Rhinoplasty Amber Lager, Ocelatte’ Coffee IPA, and Ox Blocked Pale Ale. Old Ox Head Brewer Kenny Allen will also head up brewing operations for Three Mammals.

Three Mammals Brewing Company Beer

“Between you and me, we’ll probably just brew the same stuff as before, but put new names on it. I’m not planning on being around too much to be honest. I already bought some property in Cabo San Lucas with my advance. This is off the record, right? Don’t print that.” said Chris Burns of Old Ox. “We’re going to get Van Halen to play our grand opening” added Favio Garcia of Lost Rhino, “Does anyone know how to get in touch with those guys?”

Ocelot founder Adrien Widman is also excited for the new opportunities the merger will bring. “So far I’ve only been able to brew a Triple IPA with the amount of hops I have on hand. With the addition of all these guys hops as well, I should be able to hit a Sextuple or Octuple IPA no problem. I like hops.”

“At the end of the day, it made sense to go ahead and pull the trigger on this.” Said Matt Hagerman of Lost Rhino. “It’s all very fun and positive.” Hagerman then excused himself to go to a meeting.

Three Mammals Brewing Company

Petyer Ballsch of Fulsome Prevaricator echoed the sentiment of the former brewery owners. “We understand that craft beer lovers are wary of corporate consolidation, but we want to assure everyone that these guys will have full creative control to brew their nice little beers all day long and to their heart’s content. So long as they’re bringing home the bacon, so to speak. Hell, they can even make a beer with bacon if they want. Does that make you happy? We have a lot of money.”.

All inquiries and interview request may be directed to Petyer Ballsch of Fulsome Prevaricator.

15 thoughts on “THREE LOUDOUN BREWERIES TO CONSOLIDATE

  1. Melissa Ellis says:

    I know this an April Fools joke, but my husband is wanting a t-shirt. You guys did a mass printing? If so, where do I go.

  2. KairaBarry says:

    Wow! Big news! Congratulations guys. I trust your integrity to keep brewing only the best! Hey, think about a satalite brewery in Costa Rico. I plan to live there in five years. Just a thought?☺️

  3. Tony says:

    Too funny!

  4. Kat says:

    April fools?

  5. Jeremy S. says:

    I smell April Fools

  6. Steve says:

    Not funny, you guys! Some things you simply don’t joke about especially in these challenging times!
    Brew on!

  7. Durward Fant says:

    Is this an April Fools?

  8. Ken says:

    Let me guess. April Fools?

  9. Wade says:

    LoL! Why stop at 8?! Looking forward to the Decatuple IPA! If you do the Octogon you can call it Spider and expand brewery to three mammals and a bug.

  10. Stephen Giuliani says:

    Although this is likely an April Fool’s joke, you three have the power to make these three beers happen. Please do this. Please. Brew. Those. Beers.

    Thank you–
    Your friendly craft-beer-loving neighbors from Herndon.

  11. Pingback: Multinational Corporation Buying Up Loudoun Craft Breweries – Loudoun Now

  12. Will Colfelt says:

    Where can I get this t-shirt?

  13. Great post for today. Seriously though, I want the shirt! 🙂

  14. KC Dice says:

    Same as Melissa, I love the shirt and want one.

  15. Robert Peterson says:

    I would love glasses with the logo even with this being one of your better April Fools jokes.

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